Nine Months
by simplistic
Summary: “James,” Lily said, one hand on each of his shoulders, looking him directly in the eyes. “I think I’m preggers.” Because we all know pregnant Lily plus Marauders equals hilarity. RR!
1. November

_Nine Months_

_By: Simplistic (infinitesimal)_

_Authors Note: This is going to be nine chapters long, one for each month of Lily's pregnancy. Each chapter is going to be relatively brief. I'm posting this over on as well, so don't worry, I'm not ripping off her stuff. We are one in the same. For heavens sake, review, people! I've got over five hundred hits and FIVE reviews! Get your lazy arses down there to that pretty blue box and drop me a line! 3_

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"James," Lily said, one hand on each of his shoulders, looking him directly in the eyes. "I think I'm preggers."

James blinked once, twice, thrice. He opened his mouth to speak and choked a bit instead.

"I'm sorry, you're what?"

"Preggers," she repeated calmly. "Knocked up, bun in the oven, the stork came to call-- you know. Pregnant."

"Pregnant." James repeated. He squinted up at her, looking quite uncomprehending. "As in…"

"A baby, yeah."

"You mean-- that-- wow. A baby?"

"Yep," Lily replied, rolling her eyes. "Those are the little pink squirmy things that live for nine months in here."

She took his hand and placed it on her belly, quite as small and flat as it had always been. James's bright hazel eyes slowly moved downward to observe his hand on his girlfriends stomach with intense concentration. He couldn't, for the life of him, imagine a little pink squirmy thing being able to fit in there.

"Aren't you a bit… small?" He said, not looking away from her belly. He moved his hand experimentally, feeling for signs of life beneath the surface.

"Hogwarts may be the best school in the world, but it is sadly lacking in sexual education." She sighed, and sat down on the coffee table in front of him. He continued to stare at her stomach in wonder.

"It's not sex I'm confused about," he replied. "I understand sex. I _like_ sex. What I don't understand is how a baby could possibly fit inside of a hundred pound woman."

He prodded her stomach again, eliciting another eye roll from Lily.

"As thrilled as I am that you understand and enjoy sex, I'm afraid you've completely missed the point-- sexual education is more about understanding the _repercussions_ of sex."

"Repercussions?" James said, smirking a bit. He finally moved his eyes up to meet hers, his hand remaining tenderly curled on her abdomen. "What bad can possibly come from shagging?"

"Being pregnant at eighteen, for one." She replied, for the first time appearing to lose a bit of her cool. Her bright green eyes widened, giving her the look of a frightened doe. "Being pregnant at eighteen in the middle of a war, for another."

James felt a jolt somewhere inside him; his heart contracted painfully. Was this what she had been worrying about these past two weeks, crying herself to sleep when she thought he wasn't listening? He looked down at his hand on her flat little stomach and realized with a pang that he was already attached to it; this tiny little being that hadn't even begun to breathe, or think, or love.

"A baby," he repeated. His eyes rose to meet hers, a smile forming on his face. "Tell me again, what bad can possibly come from shagging?"

"Incorrigible," she muttered, laughing. She shook her head, but he could already see her shoulders relaxing a bit.

"A baby," he said, and a smile bloomed on his face so dazzling that she couldn't help but smile back. "This is…"

"Weird?"

"Well yeah, but it's also--"

"Insane?"

"Well… yeah, but it's also--"

"Sort of a miracle?"

James laughed and they kissed, his hand still resting lovingly on her stomach.

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	2. December

_Nine Months_

_By: Simplistic (infinitesimal)_

_Authors Note: Isn't Daddy!James just the cutest?_

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"I can't hear anything," Sirius declared.

"Try again," James encouraged him.

Sirius nodded and pressed his ear flat against Lily's stomach once more, a look of intense concentration dawning on his face. Lily, for the most part, ignored them. She turned the page of her book and bit into an apple, humming tunelessly.

"I heard something!" Sirius announced excitedly. James beamed and shoved him out of the way, kneeling to have a listen. His expression of complete euphoria gradually shifted into one of bewilderment.

"Sounds like it's just her stomach." He announced at long last, looking disappointed.

"Well, isn't that where the baby is?"

"The baby is in the _uterus_," James corrected, pronouncing it wrong. He bent and kissed her belly, murmuring something about 'precious little tadpoles'. Lily smiled, not looking up from her book.

Sirius stared at the exposed stomach, hand resting thoughtfully on his chin. After a few seconds he shook his head sadly and took Lily's hand with the air of one about to impart some very bad news.

"Listen love," he murmured. "I'm so sorry. But you're not pregnant."

Lily raised her eyebrows at him.

"I'm not, eh?"

"No, duck. You've just put on a bit, is all. I'm sorry, but if you were pregnant you'd be _much_ fatter than this! It's probably the apples," he added, taking it from her and biting a big chunk off. "You've been eating a bit much and you got a little chunky and jumped to conclusions. Don't worry, I'm sure it's only _natural_ to want to excuse away sudden unattractive weight gain–"

"I've gained five pounds you prick, don't you '_unattractive_' me!"

"I knew it," James exclaimed, looking anguished. "I knew you were too small to fit a baby in there, I knew it!"

"Don't listen to this idiot," Lily reassured him, rolling her eyes. "I'm only two months, for christs sake. Most women don't get big til the halfway mark."

She took her apple back from Sirius and turned the page of her book, muttering under her breath. James looked placated. He pressed his ear to Lily's stomach once again, smiling expectantly.

"Call me a cynic, but I'll believe it when I see it," Sirius declared, shrugging.

Lily rolled her eyes and took another bite out of her apple, deciding it would be best to just ignore him.

"And what the hell is a _uterus _, anyhow?"

"It's in the bladder," James explained, very seriously. "That's why preggo's have to pee so much."

Lily couldn't help it; she burst into hysterical laughter.

"Oh god, I'm going to piss myself." She choked out, rolling off the couch and running full speed for the bathroom. James nodded as if he hadn't expected anything less.

"See?"

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	3. January

_Nine Months_

_By: Infinitesimal_

_Author's Note: Come on, gotta have a healthy dose of romance. _

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"Do you remember when we first met?" James asked.

"Of course," Lily replied, smirking. "On the train, first year. I'd got up to use the loo, and when the train gave a lurch you came stumbling out with your pants around your ankles. I went back to my compartment, traumatized, and said to Lisa Spence– "cripes, I just saw a boy in his underwear", and she said, "cool, was he cute?"– always was a bit of a slag, wasn't she?"

"A bit," James laughed. He curled his face into Lily's neck and breathed heavily into the skin there.

The pair of them were laying sprawled out on a goose down duvet in front of the fireplace, arms and legs tangled, hair a mess.

The day had been splendidly unproductive. Remnants of their failed attempts at organizing a baby shower lay scattered about the room– blank invitations and half-open envelopes were mixed randomly with empty bottles of butterbeer and packages of chips. A letter, unfinished, was pinned beneath a wizard wireless, reading– "_Dear Sirius, even though you're convinced I'm not pregnant, here is an invitation to the baby shower..._"

"Do you remember what the first thing I ever said to you was?" He asked again.

Lily looked thoughtful, bringing one of her long, bare legs up to hook around his thigh. James tilted his head, admiring it.

"Wasn't it something like, _'oy, ginger, pass the potatoes'_?"

He laughed again, pressing his forehead against hers.

"Probably."

"You _were_ a bit of a brat, weren't you?"

"A bit," He conceded.

They were silent for a moment, listening to the fireplace crackle. Outside, the snow pushed furiously against the long, square windows as the evening sky darkened.

"Hey," Lily said suddenly, a smile in her voice. "Remember the first time you asked me out?"

"God, I'll never forget _that_. I'd never been so mortified in my life."

"_Really_?" She replied. She leaned away from him, so she could see his face.

"Really. I'd been practicing all week. I'd carefully mastered the art of having my hair mussed _just_ so. It took me three hours to work up the courage to walk over to where you were sitting in the common room. And then when I got there, and you looked up at me with those goddamn green eyes of yours... and I wanted to go drown myself."

"Even before you said anything?"

"Even before," James admitted, pushing the hair off her forehead tenderly. "Because I knew I was going to make a_ complete_ arse of myself. And sure enough–"

"'_Evans, go out with me. Or, uh, please?'_"

"Exactly," he nodded, looking serious. Lily giggled, and he pressed several kisses onto her nose, her cheeks, her eyelids.

"Do you remember," he asked quietly, kissing down her throat between each word, "when you were 'accidentally' pushed down the stairs in sixth year, when you passed the Slytherin quidditch team on your way to breakfast?"

"Mmm." Lily acknowledged, eyes fluttering closed as he kissed along her collarbone.

"When I found out, I was simultaneously furious and beyond _sick_ with worry. First, I dealt with the quidditch team–"

"_That_ I remember. They were in the hospital wing longer than I was."

"–which was _exact_ly my intention, darling." He assured her. "Then, I snuck into Hogsmeade and bought every single tulip the flower shop carried. I settled them around your bed so that they were the first things you'd see when you woke up. And Lily, when I looked down at you, all beat up and broken, I'd never felt so anguished in my entire life. I wanted to kill them, all of them,_ anyone_ who had ever dared to hurt you. I wanted to kill _myself_ for not being strong enough to prevent it. I came every night under the cloak and watched you sleep, thinking that maybe if _I _was the one you woke up too, you'd have some clue, some tiny inkling of just how much I love you."

When he finished talking, Lily was quiet. There were tears in her eyes.

"Do you remember our first date?" He whispered. He brought his face in until their noses were touching. "I got bit by that stupid lady's parrot and you laughed so hard you shot butterbeer out your nose. It was the best day of my life, and I hadn't even got a _kiss_ yet. I ran upstairs that night and waltzed Peter around the dorm and when Remus asked how the date had gone, I said simply, '_I'm going to marry that girl'_. Well–"

Suddenly, they were sitting up, and James was kneeling. He pulled a little velvet box out of his back pocket and held it out to her.

"Always been a bit of a romantic, haven't you?" Lily laughed, her voice wobbling dangerously.

"A bit." He replied, and then he kissed her.

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	4. February

_Nine Months_

_By- Simplistic (infinitesimal)_

_Authors Note: I have two more chapters written, but no available internets. So, either tomorrow or the day after until the next bit is posted. Other than that, DANG, I GOT REVIEWS AND I LUBBED THEM! MORE, MORE! My favorite was probably "I'm reviewing, you bloody author"._

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"I made you these," James declared.

Lily looked up from her book, annoyed, and came face to face with a tray full of double chocolate chunk cookies. That were burnt. Badly. She raised her eyebrows at her boyfriend, who nudged them towards her with a serious look on his face.

"I'm not hungry, actually," she responded, turning back to her book.

James's expression was one of abject bewilderment.

"Not... hungry...?"

"Not at all," she replied, sinking further into the couch.

"Yeah, she's watching her weight," Sirius added, patting Lily on the leg. "Lord knows she needs to."

"What on _earth_ are you talking about, Padfoot?" Remus asked, eyebrows raised. He was leaning against the kitchen door, covered in flour, a dishtowel hanging off his shoulder.

"Oh come on, Moony, I _know_ you've noticed." Sirius scoffed. "Lily's getting fat! They swear she's pregnant, but you know how they are... denial, and such."

"Yeah, _we're_ the crazy ones," James muttered, walking back to the kitchen with his cookies, pouting.

Remus was looking at Sirius as if he'd never seen him before, mouth hanging slightly ajar. Lily seemed to have settled for the easy route and was laughing hysterically instead.

"I can't believe it," Remus declared after a moment, shaking his head. "You really _are_ as stupid as you look."

Sirius ignored him.

"Anyway," He said loudly, "Isn't it hi_lari_ous seeing Lily so chubby? You'd never imagine she'd be the first to let herself go, out of all of us." Here Sirius turned to Lily and pat her sadly on the leg again. "You had _such_ a smokin' hot body, duck. It's sad, really."

About this time James entered the room again, carrying what looked to be a pot roast.

"James," Lily groaned. "I'm _not_ hungry!"

He ignored her, and went about setting up the coffee table; in a matter of minutes he had enough food out to feed a third world country. After folding her napkin carefully and arranging the silverware, he stepped aside and gestured grandly towards the meal, beaming.

"Looks good, huh?" He cajoled.

His smile was so eager that Lily felt she had no choice but to slide off the couch and situate herself in front of the food, looking dubious. Remus turned his face to hide a grin when James insisted on grabbing a pillow for her to sit on.

"Now I see why you're getting so bloody huge, ducky. James is seriously _trying_ to turn you into a whale!"

"She's eating for two," James replied defensively.

"You know, you're right, Prongs. Her stomach _is_ almost big enough to count as a second person."

Remus couldn't seem to help it; he burst into loud fits of laughter.

Around this time, there was a knock at the door. Lily jumped at the opportunity to answer it; another five seconds at the table and James would have started spoon feeding her. She jogged lightly to the entrance hall in her fuzzy slippers, turning the knob when she recognized the person outside to be Peter.

"Good morning Lily, you look--" His gaze dropped to her stomach, which was protruding just a bit from her form fitting sweater, and his smile fell into a look of shock. "--huge!"

Lily rolled her eyes.

"Shame, isn't it," Sirius called, cackling. "She's so fat she looks almost _pregnant_!"

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	5. March

_Nine Months_

_By: Simplistic (infinitesimal)_

_Authors Note: Why does the internet only work at my boyfriends house?! --pouts-- Anyway, here is chapter five. All of the chapters are meant to be very brief, so sorry to those who wanted them longer! Thank you to each and every person who reviewed. You know I love you. _

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"Alright, maybe she _is_ pregnant," Sirius admitted. He was staring in shock at where his hand was, situated carefully on Lily's stomach.

"You felt it, right?" Asked James excitedly. He put both of his hands on Lily's protruding stomach, positively beaming. He paused a moment and then he laughed out loud, ecstatic. "There,_ there _it is again! My baby!"

"Duck," Sirius said quietly, eyes wide. "There is something in your stomach _kicking._"

Lily laughed, glowing all over.

"I know, isn't it wonderful?"

James took his girlfriends face in his hands and began kissing her frantically.

Sirius elbowed his way through their embrace so he could squeeze in and lay his mouth against Lily's bellybutton, speaking into it as if it were a microphone.

"Oy, baby! What're you doing, kicking on your Mum like that?"

He pressed his ear against it, as if fully expecting an answer. James squeezed in beside him and pressed his cheek to her stomach as well. Lily looked down at both of their dark heads and couldn't help but laugh.

"What do you think, Sirius?" James asked, observing his best friend.

"Honest?"

"Yeah, honest."

Sirius's brow knit together in thought.

"Well... I'd say... _definitely_ a Seeker. He's a strong lad, but deft. We'll pop into Diagon Alley later tonight and see which baby broom is the most expensive. My godson's only getting the _best_, after all."

"Too right," James agreed, very seriously.

Lily rolled her eyes, unable to keep the smile off her face.

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	6. April

_Nine Months_

_By: Simplistic (infinitesimal)_

_Authors Note: To those complaining about how unrealistic the story is... come on. This story is a big wad of fluff. It's meant to be silly and cute and funny, and please, **please**, do not take it seriously. I'll be offended if you do. _

_Now... t_he crazy hormones have hit! I have a friend who is now eight months pregnant... she was INSANE at six months. I seriously couldn't be around her without saying something that would cause her to flip out. Luckily that's passed for the most part, and she's moved on to groaning and complaining about the baby kicking her organs and rib cage around like beach balls. Ah... the joy of new life.

And yes, I know that they aren't supposed to walk down the aisle together. The chapters are supposed to be brief so I didn't want to go into it, but James leaves her at the foot of the tent and resumes his post up front with Sirius. Remus walks Lily down the aisle in place of her deceased father. I'll probably mention the highlights next chapter; there are just too many possibilities for laughs nooot to. hehe.

Oy! You out there! Leave me a review!

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"Oy," James murmured, kneeling in front of Lily and gently taking her hand. She was resplendent and beautiful in her white satin dress, one small hand positioned tenderly on her stomach. The veil was a lacy bundle on the vanity, and it didn't escape his notice that it was untouched. "Lily darling, are you standing me up?"

She remained silent.

Outside the bridal tent, the murmuring of voices were growing more and more pronounced– but they weren't quite loud enough to drown out the sound of her crying.

"Sweetheart," James whispered again, alarmed. He reached up and pushed the delicately curling red hair from her face, trying to examine her features. She looked absolutely miserable. "Tell me what's wrong, _please_."

She opened her mouth to say something and began sobbing hysterically instead.

"I..."

"What, what is it?" James encouraged, beginning to look downright panicked.

"James, I–"

"Go on, love, what's wrong?"

"I can't f-fit into my s-shoes." She wailed at last, crying with renewed vigor.

James couldn't help but laugh at this, which quickly turned her tears into watery fury.

"You're laughing? _Laughing_?" Her voice cracked threateningly, causing him to wince.

"Well I'm a bit relieved," he admitted, letting out another little laugh. "I was half expecting you to announce Peter as the true father of your baby, you know, something dramatic and awful like– '_We're in love we're moving to Argentina to start our new life together!'_– not this rubbish about your shoes."

Lily stared at him, blinking through her tears.

"Argentina?"

"First place I thought of," he shrugged, grabbing hold of her hand again and squeezing it. This little show of affection seemed to spur on another flood of tears.

"Well," she sniffled. "That's part of the problem, actually."

"Argentina is the reason why you won't marry me?"

"No, idiot."

"Peter really _is _the father of my baby?"

"Remus is far more my taste."

"Har har," he replied, frowning.

"If you had never gotten me knocked up, we wouldn't be_ in_ this mess." Lily declared sadly, sighing through her tears as she looked down at her feet. James followed her gaze and saw that they were swollen to about twice their normal size. He stifled a laugh.

"Shall I massage them, then?"

Lily perked up at once and lifted them in the air, wiggling her toes.

"Yes please!"

James pressed an adoring kiss to the tip of her nose and settled himself on the floor, popping his knuckles and wiggling his eyebrows at her.

"Prepare yourself for the most mind-blowingly _fantastic_ foot massage you have ever experienced, darling."

Lily was really beginning to get into it when Remus pulled back the flap of the bridal tent, his face grave.

"Should I just–" He stopped dead when he saw them, James wrinkling his thousand galleon tux on the hard floor, Lily, her hair coming uncurled, urging him to 'put his back into it'.

"What on _earth_ are you two doing?" He exclaimed angrily, stepping inside. He looked very handsome in his dark blue suit, a Calla Lily hanging prettily from the front pocket.

"What does it look like?" The bride-to-be replied, smiling euphorically. "I'm having my poor pregnant feet massaged."

Remus stared at her, mouth slightly ajar. He looked appalled.

"Now is _not_ the time to be having your poor pregnant feet massaged. Now is the time to get your pregnant _arse _down the aisle, where over a hundred people are beginning to think you've either fainted or run off to Argentina!"

"What is it with you blokes and Argentina?" Lily pondered aloud, producing an apple out of nowhere and beginning to munch on it.

Remus grabbed it away from her mid-crunch and tossed it in the waste basket.

"Five minutes," he ordered, pointing at them both threateningly.

Lily stared after him as he left the tent, full of disbelief.

"He_ took_ my apple. Me, a _pregnant _woman. He's starving my baby, the bloody wolf!"

"You've had a whole bushel of them," James reminded her, smiling. He bent and kissed the tips of each of her toes, then he stood, shaking the dirt from his tux.

"Right, so..." He beamed, lifting the veil from the vanity and fastening it tenderly in her hair. "Want to get married and stuff?"

Lily wiped what was left of the tears from her eyes, clearing away the smeared mascara. She frowned down at the little satin pumps by her chair.

"I still can't fit into those blasted shoes."

James shrugged, looking as if he could care less.

"Go barefoot? No one will be looking at your feet, trust me."

"Yes, you're right, they'll be staring in awe at my pregnant belly." She replied wryly. He laughed and knelt down so he could press his lips against her stomach, careful not to stain the delicate white satin.

"Maybe," he admitted, standing again and pulling her gently to her feet. His smile was charmingly sincere. "But I don't care _where_ they look– as long as I get to see you walk down that aisle, puffy eyes and swollen feet and all."

"Are you insinuating that I'm ugly?" She asked, smiling a little. Clearly she was beyond caring how puffy her eyes were.

He kissed her softly on the crown of her head, adjusting the veil to where it hung properly over her face. Then he stood back and looked at her for a long, careful moment.

"You," he whispered, his eyes suspiciously wet. "Are the most beautiful creature I have ever had the pleasure to look at,_ just_ as you were the first moment I saw you. I hope you know I love you, Lily Potter."

She brought his hand under the veil and kissed it. Her own eyes were sparkling dangerously.

"And I love _you_, James Potter. Now..." She beamed up at him. "Let's get married and stuff."

They left the tent, arm in arm, as the music began to play.

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